EVIL.

I find you evil.

Negative.

I feel so negative.

On the wing.

Are you there?

Stereoman.

I'm all alone, thinking about yesterday's blue.
I don't like to, but I ain't got nothing else to do.

rollercoaster.

It was like I was on a roller coaster. I closed my eyes and then opened them. Little did I know, the ride didn't even take off...

overwhelmed.

can one be overwhelmed with bliss?

ART-SCHOOL - RIJ 2003

Thanks to the uploader for such a rare video. LOOK AT HINATA!!!!!

the dream which the angel saw.

I had like one of the best dreams ever last night, too bad it'll never come true. I woke up smiling but quickly did it turn in to a frown.

19.

This past Sunday I turned 19, at last! Only greater things are to come right? Wrong. This week has been somewhat of a roller coaster for me. I usually don't like exposing my problems here, nor will I start. I might shed some light on it but that is about it.

To start off, can people really change? Or can they just con themselves for an indeterminate amount of time and then shed and show their true colours once more? How many chances must I give so that you can prove that you've changed? Also, how do you mend a soul whose organ, that pumps blood, has been damaged twice in a year? Is it bad to hold on? Even if the correspondent doesn't reciprocate to your expectations, should one just forget about them and move on? Or can one move on without having to eradicate the other from their life? A smile can say so much, yet it can hide so much more. Can you relate? Can you empathize with whats underneath this wounded skin? How much cigarettes do I have to smoke to make the day go by faster? To stop this void in my heart from getting any bigger? Is there a thread and a needle long enough to stitch it back closed? Or will time pass and wounds will slowly take care of it self? Do I dare be "soaked in bleach" to clean myself from my problems? "And I swear I don't have a gun", but sometimes I wish I did. When is it my turn for me to make some memories in the backseat? Am I already finished growing? Or am I still suppose to find myself? When will other people relative to my age grow up and look at the bigger picture? Maturity is a stage and a gift, don't skip it and don't take it for granted either. Sure there's a world out there, but one can't help be caught up in their own. Small or big problems are problems and as they stack up it puts a toll on one's mind and body. Is it fair or unfair? Do you believe in karma? Are we just puppets playing out roles in a book written by a greater spirit? Why is there such unnecessary deaths and crimes committed everyday? How many pats on the back until a downer is cheered up? Are drugs really that great? Does being in a state of ecstasy for a period of time worth all that risk? Are you willing to trade in your life for a stint at feeling sensational? Do promises even have value nowadays? Do tears eventually run out?

So many damn questions, too many damn thoughts, and an overwhelming amount of melancholy... I kind of went off topic during the latter...

come as you are.

Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend
As an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend
As an old

Memoria, memoria
Memoria, memoria

Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend
As an old

Memoria, memoria
Memoria, memoria

And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun

Memoria, memoria
Memoria, memoria
(No I don't have a gun)

And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun

Memoria, memoria

Hardcore/Ballad

Is the song I'm listening to right now, I haven't given the album a listen to yet. It's Grand Prix from Teenage Fanclub btw. Today was kool. I got to see Lisa (it's been since early September I last saw her), it was nice seeing her again and her hair did get noticeably longer haha (inside joke). We walked around the Eaton Centre with that little critter that always tags along with her and then we waited for Steven (Chinaman). Once he arrived we had sushi from those karts stationed in the mall next to the food court. It was bad, well cold so it didn't taste as good as it could have.

Afterward, me and the couple just sat there and talked and kept rein acting out the "can I have yo numba?" skit by MadTV, haha I forgot about that it's soo funny. Then I left and proceeded towards the TRS building where my LAW122 midterm awaited me. I walked in with confidence but with a hint of skepticism. But in the end I finish the test fairly early (don't worry I double checked) 80% for sure? Who knows. After that I just went on home. I tend to air guitar a lot, even when walking in a public setting. I love it, my ears are plugged and I just air strum and bob the head.

Now, why am I such a chicken shit?... Me and Jason (you remember my good man Jason aka Jay Train) made a slap bet (influenced by HIMYM). What is the bet? Whoever gets a girlfriend first gets to slap the loser's face three times and it is going to be recorded an posted on YouTube and Facebook. Though this bet is suppose to be motivation to get rid of our single status, I made sure to get it through to him that there was a no "desperation" clause. Now what are you going to do?

I'm gonna skip class tomorrow. Peace out.

Kanon

it was a very cold winter
you and him had met
you fell in love quickly
those days were like a dream
stepping on crumpled dead leaves
your breath was white
and he was admiring that
after he noticed

even if we loved each other so much
even i if i held her like the other day
we noticed that the beautiful times
that we could never go back to

maybe you knew that too
that the love died
and since the day, the bird stopped
flying in the sky

even if we fucked
i will never hear kanon's voice again
i've felt this feeling before
i didn't think that i would ever forget it
i noticed...

stepping on crumpled leaves
your breath was white
and he was admiring that
after he noticed

even if we loved each other so much
even if i held her like the other day
we noticed the beautiful times
that we could never go back to

by ART-SCHOOL

"Wow, look at fat enthusiasm!"

Haha as I sit here and type, I am also watching The Simpsons at the same time. That is right, I've just gotten access to cable, internet, and home telephone today! No more feeling like I live in the industrial age. Well let's go through what I've been up to since, I last wrote...

We left off when I discovered I scored a 68% on my second midterm... horrible. I just hate walking in all confident and walking out stripped of your pride. I've also started working at this grocery store and man its tiring. It's probably because I haven't worked since mid August. But it feels good that I have money coming in now and thank god for the Rogers deal that lets me use their services free for three months, gives me time to save money and allocate it towards other things with greater priority.

I've been feeling really exhaustive and fatigued lately, probably because I'm working now. Like, yesterday it was my fourth shift and I worked a ten hour shift from 9am to 7pm. Doing what? Making juice... I've never seen so much oranges and tangerines get dumped into a juicer in my life and just for what? Just to make a few bottles of juice?! Goddamit there is so much oranges used just to pump a glass of OJ. We could have used all that resource to help the less fortunate. But at the same time I realized that our world is big and that we do (at least for now) have more than enough resources to conduct businesses of all sorts, like for instance... ummm I don't know? Making orange juice?

Tomorrow I have a quiz that I never knew about until a friend messaged me on MSN and I was planning to use tonight to study for my final LAW122 midterm. Man I can't wait to finish that test, and focus on other stuff... Oh did I mention in exactly a week it will be my, wait for it,.. wait for all of eternity... MY 19TH BIRTHDAY! That's right I'm finally turning 19, what is up? Though I probably won't celebrate with friends until a week after, at least I won't have to use my fake ID to buy cigarettes no more... did I tell you I got booked one time? But he still sold me it, proof that I am awesome.

But, the ultimate question... what should I do for my birthday? Clubbing? Bar? STRIP CLUB? Simple dinner? Paint ball again? AND who to invite? Should I do separate occasions for friends from high school and friends from Ryerson?!??!! Oh Em Gee. I just want to make my mark.

I've exhausted what else I should write about.

Peace out.

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck microeconomics.

oh an both my credit cards are maxed out. fml.