dysphoria.

Hello? Is anyone there? Oh right I live alone. These days I find myself in a low state. Actually it has been going on for a while now. Isolated not by choice, I realize the only thing that keeps my spirits up is music. It sucks when you listen to a song that you like, but the lyrics are so relative to what you been through or to even how you are currently that it just brings you down even deeper. But at the same time you can't help but finish listening to the song, than to rather press skip. Or maybe it's just me?

I confessed to my mom that I smoked just a moment ago, though I wouldn't have to if she didn't confront me about it. She asked me why and I simply didn't answer. Why? Because she wouldn't understand me. Even if I spoke in perfect Vietnamese she still wouldn't be able to register my reasons. There's a generation gap between us, as well as a cultural difference that would render her incompatible of accepting my way of thinking and living. It's fine I've come to accept the difference, though if she could understand it would make my life a lot easier.

It sucks not having anybody to actually talk to and converse with for a long duration. It makes the day goes by longer. I do miss her I'll admit. It's hard not to, not to sound like a broken R&B song but there are things that remind me of her, which makes it harder for me to not think of her. Now I'm not the type cry or whine when things like that pop up or anything, but when it does I just can't help but feel a little dead inside. Not a day goes by where I don't ponder to myself about her well being.